Anal Sex

Anal play and anal sex are huge topics of interest for many people, but it’s something that folks are reluctant to explore sometimes. I get countless questions every week regarding anal sex or anal play, so I’ve decided to construct a guide about everything “anal.”

Anal is awesome because it’s an option for almost everyone to explore. Unless there are colon or other digestive medical problems, anal sex is a perfectly safe thing to try, and these steps will help make the experience a great one!

1. Throw out every stigma you’ve ever been taught regarding anal sex.

Anal sex isn’t “wrong.” It isn’t “slutty.” It isn’t (inherently) “gay.” Your body is your own to explore without guilt. Straight men who think anal sex will make them gay are connecting two independent ideas without reason. Homosexuality is a sexual identity that is in no way caused by anal sex. Straight men can still enjoy pegging at the same time.

Photo by Dainis Graveris

Anal sex isn’t even necessarily submissive–some Dominants love the sensation of being penetrated anally and that in no way takes away from their Dominant identity or ability.

Another misconception is that anal sex is “dirty.” Everyone involved should understand that, yes, it’s a butt–and butts are used for going to the bathroom. We’re all adults here, right?

There may be traces of fecal matter during anal sex. It’s nothing to freak out about. If you’re worried about this, have the receiver use the bathroom and/or take a bath or shower before anal sex. Enemas can also be used to help clean out the rectum. Chances are, though, everything will be fine. If a little mess does occur, just sanitize the toys or take a sexy shower together. Good as new! Nothing to worry about.

2. Communicate!

Communication is key to any healthy relationship, especially ones where you’re exploring your sexuality and trying new things. If you or your partner is interested in anal sex, the first step is to talk about it. In order for your first experience to be a good one, you have to want it. If you’re forced into anal sex or convinced to try it when you have no personal interest, it may end badly and ruin all other chances to explore it at time where you feel more comfortable with it. It is very important that this is something you and your partner both want to explore, together.

3. Lubrication is key.

Tantus’s Perfect Plug, a great beginner’s toy for anal play.

Unlike a vagina, which has natural lubrication when the person is aroused, the anus does not lubricate itself. This means you need to use lube for it to be comfortable for most people. There are three basic types of lubricant to choose from.

  • Water: Water-based lubricants are often thick, gel-like liquids that make penetration easier and less painful. They wash off quite easily and are safe to use vaginally or anally.  (Note: Be sure to get a lubricant without the ingredient glycerin(e) in it if you’re going to be having sex with a person with a vagina, as that can cause infections if it drips down into them.)
  • Silicone: Silicone lubes are usually much thinner than water-based ones, and are far more slicker. These types of lubricants can be fantastic for anal sex for that reason. Downside is that they usually require soap to wash off and cannot be used with silicone toys.
  • Oil: Because oil-based lubricants can cause higher rates of vaginal infections, they should only be used as a masturbatory aid for people with penises or for anal sex with someone with a penis. Always use water or silicone lubricants with condoms, as oil-based lubes may lead to condom breakage.

Use the lubricant generously on both the receiver’s anus and the penis, dildo, plug, or fingers. If you’re using a latex condom, be sure the lubricant says it is safe to use with latex products.

4. Go slow!

A lot of bad experiences with anal happen because of impatience. If the person being penetrated has never done anal before, they’re going to be tense, which only worsens the anticipation. Be sure your partner is relaxed and ready before you begin.

If you choose to do so, you may have the receiver train for their first time (or even for experienced folks). A plug can be wore under clothing in every-day situations or around the house in order to get a person ready for anal sex. Fingers can also be used to help ease the process, but be sure to keep nails short and wear a latex glove for added safety.

Keep in mind that anal is not a race. Go slowly and constantly check in with your partner. Ask if they are okay, if they need a break, or if it hurts. If it does hurt them, pause and add more lubrication or use fingers or a smaller toy to work them up to something larger. Understand that many people may be scared of anal at first, so you really have to be super careful and make sure they are nice and relaxed so it goes well. The more relaxed you are, the better it’s going to feel.

If you’re being penetrated and it hurts you–speak up! Do not let the scene continue without saying anything because you may end up really hurting yourself. Rectal tissues can easily tear if they aren’t properly lubricated and may cause bleeding, infection, and a higher risk of sexually-transmitted diseases.

5. Aftercare

After your/your partner’s first time with anal sex, be sure to check in and see how they’re doing. Provide aftercare if need be, and show them lots of love and support. Cuddle them, tell them you’re proud of them, or switch to a sexual act they prefer in order to end on a really high note.

Remember not to go directly from anal to vaginal sex without using a new condom or cleaning the toy!

After the scene ends, communicate with each other about how things went. Did it hurt? Could we have done something different to make it better? Did you enjoy it? Would you want to try again?

6. Explore more!

If you tried anal and you want to try again and keep going, go for it! There’s lots of fun things you can try out.

Photo Credit: Salem

Anal plugs: Worn inside the body to stimulate anal sensations during sex or in every-day situations. Helps train for anal sex. Be aware of the dangers of “princess plugs” like the ones shown here.
Prostate toys: Stimulates the p-spot for people with prostates.
Dildos: Larger toys that can be used for anal sex so long as they have a flange (wide base).
Double/triple penetration: Combining anal play with oral and/or vaginal sex.
Pegging: Term used mostly when someone with a vagina uses a strap-on toy to have anal sex with someone who has a penis.
Enemas: Used for cleaning out the rectum and for sexual pleasure.

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