“Sex work” is a broad term that covers everything in the realm of sexual services. This includes sexting sessions, pre-made content, pornography, live camming, all the way up to full-service sessions. With online sex work on the rise over the last few years, finding a sex worker to roleplay with or buy custom content from is easy. Sex workers can be found across all kinds of social media, offering all kinds of services to their clients. Some cater to specific fetishes, while others offer broader, vanilla services.
If you’ve never hired a sex worker before, you might be asking yourself how to approach someone for sexual services. The process is usually quite simple. Try following these guidelines for establishing a professional relationship with sex workers.
Sex workers get lots of inquiries in a typical day. A simple, “hey,” might not grab their attention–especially if they are selective with clients. Introduce yourself and be direct about what you want in your initial message. Try something like, “Hi, my name is Bryan. I found your Twitter account and I’m interested in purchasing a custom masturbation video. Do you have a moment to discuss details?” Introducing yourself in this way shows the sex worker that you are prepared to discuss the arrangement in a respectful manner. You’re absolutely more likely to get a response when you’re direct and polite about your introduction.
Sex work is a business and some people don’t seem to understand that. Do not address a stranger you just messaged as “Mistress” until it is agreed upon that you may do so. Your relationship with this person should be kept professional outside of an active scene. Respect them like you would any other professional that you’re looking to hire. Sex workers are people who do work for you–they are not your property.
Explain what your desires/goals are.
Sex workers appreciate when clients are upfront about their goals. Having something to work towards to help guide the session along is really useful when doing interactive live scenes. Sex workers are not mind-readers and should not be treated as such. For example, if you book a two-hour edging session and you want to orgasm at least twice in that time you need to make that goal clear before the session begins. Otherwise, it’s up to the sex worker to make these decisions. Communication will ensure that the sex worker is best prepared to work with you in order to satisfy your expectations.
Provide a list of kinks, limits, and toys for live sessions.
Sex workers don’t need your life story, but they need the basics. They need to know what’s okay, what’s encouraged, what’s not allowed, and what they have to work with if you’re doing a live text, audio, or video session. If you don’t have any toys but you want to use a household object, make sure to say that so the sex worker can confirm it’s done safely. If you really hate anal but you booked a humiliation session, make it clear that anal is a hard limit. Are any words or phrases triggering to you? Let your sex worker know. When using your own toys, photo references are nice to provide. Note your favorites.
You are encouraged to ask questions! If you’re new to this, just note that and most sex workers will be more than willing to guide you into it. If you’re nervous about price, ask. Make sure you tell them exactly what you want and for how long because everything is likely a different price! If you have a strict budget amount, be upfront about it and ask what services are available for your budget. Keep questions respectful (see next section).
Ask for free content.
Asking for free content is asking someone to give up their paycheck so you can jerk off for free. It is likely that the sex worker you are contacting has photos of themselves and/or clients during sessions posted on their website or blog. Some may even have teaser photos or video clips to serve as “samples”.
Some people think it’s acceptable to ask for a custom “free sample”, but in this field, it isn’t. Sex workers deal with people trying to scam them out of payment all the time so begging for a free session or photo of their genitals is just rude. If there is any kind of content on their website or blog, these are the free samples. This rule includes asking for session extensions. If you’ve used up all your allotted time but want to continue, ask if additional time is available and be sure to pay the difference.
Asking a sex worker to work for free is likely to get you blocked and possibly blacklisted.
Demand a session before payment.
In this business, payment will always come before service. Do not expect to pay after a session or after content is sent to you because that will probably never be tolerated by an experienced sex worker. If you can’t trust that this sex worker is going to provide you the service after payment, find someone else. Many sex workers have reviews posted on their website that you can refer to when deciding if they are legitimate or not.
Barter the prices.
Prices are almost always non-negotiable. Especially for pre-made content like photos and videos. If you can’t afford the price, try buying less time or choosing a different option. Make it clear that money may be tight and maybe they can work out a solution, but don’t expect any change in the quoted price for what you’re asking for. Be direct about your budget and prepare to be flexible in what you’re going to get for your money.
Ask personal questions.
You don’t need to know the real names of sex workers, their relationship status, or addresses. Most people will never give this information to you. Do not ask sexual questions unless they are relevant to your purchase and addressed respectfully. Keep in mind that sex workers have boundaries and if you cross them, they become uncomfortable and are prone to refusing service and/or blocking you.
Break rules the sex worker has established.
If the sex worker has rules posted on their website saying you need a reference from another sex worker or that no screenshots are allowed during sessions, do not pressure them to bend or break these rules. The rules are there to protect the sex worker and asking them to risk their business or safety is out of line. If limits have been set up for live sessions, do not attempt to cross these lines. Going past the limits set in place can result in you getting blocked or blacklisted with no refund.
Give unnecessary information.
Just like you don’t need to know every personal detail about the sex worker you’re working with, they don’t need to know yours. Have a medical problem that can affect the scene? Tell them! Booking the scene because of some bitter marital problems? TMI. Don’t mix sex workers up in personal business that isn’t relevant. They exist in your life only to provide a service and earn a paycheck. Also, please don’t admit any feelings of love towards a sex worker. Jokingly or not, that just makes it uncomfortable for them.
Insult sex workers.
Insults will get you nowhere. You can call a sex worker fat all you want but ten minutes ago you wanted to see them naked so it doesn’t really have the same effect, now does it? Using sexist, racist, or derogatory insults towards a sex worker is going to get you blocked or blacklisted. If you have a concern about something they did, bring it up professionally.
Send unsolicited photos.
Sex workers may ask for photos/videos during live sessions. This does not mean it’s okay to send photos without consent! I repeat: Do NOT send photos of your body without consent. It’s the same as flashing someone on the street. It does not make it okay. Some sex workers don’t want to see you masturbate to their content, while others appreciate it. If you want to share, ask! If they so no, accept that and move on.
Hiring a sex worker really just takes some common courtesy. If these guidelines are followed and you respect the boundaries set by the sex worker you’re working with, you’ll be likely to be invited back for repeat business. Keeping a good relationship with sex workers is beneficial to you and make their job a lot easier. A lot of what you need to know is basic respect, so keep yourself in check and enjoy the services available to you.