Dildos and Dildon’ts

I get a lot of questions from people who need to know which household objects are safe to use in place of sex toys. Above all else, I recommend investing in a body-safe toy by a professional sex toy company, such as Tantus. However, I understand that affording high-quality toys is not always an option for low-income folks so the following is meant to help you be as safe as possible when using “unofficial” sex toys.

DILDO

Use a condom! Using a condom makes household objects so, so much safer to use internally. It keeps bacteria from going into your body and also makes clean up so much easier and safer so you’re not leaving bodily fluids on household objects for others to be exposed to. (Be a doll, and avoid shared objects. Use something you personally own if you’re resorting to using household objects for sexual pleasure.)

Using a condom over a jelly toy will reduce bacteria growth on the toy, however, it does not protect you from the chemicals in the toxic material so please invest in safer material options!

DILDON’T

Use food as a sex toy. Foods that contain sugar or forms of glycerin (animal or plant-derived natural sugars) are horrible for vaginas and can cause some terrible infections. While popsicles and lollipops may seem like a cute idea to get off with, your vagina will be thanking me for advising you avoid them. In addition, using fruits and vegetables with an external skin may seem like a safe alternative, but we are often unaware of what pesticides or sprays are used during their growth, making them unwise to use internally without a barrier method of protection. (Also, please don’t cut up the used cucumber for tonight’s salad unless your partner has consented to your sexy appetizer choice.)

DILDO

Use something smooth, solid, and non-porous. This means things made of hard plastic, glass, or steel. Using non-porous things will help keep bacteria from growing in the pores of objects that aren’t able to be sterilized or cleaned properly.

DILDON’T

Use something porous or sharp. No wooden objects. Nothing with corners. Nothing with spikes or raised sharp areas. I don’t care if you’re a masochist—tearing up your insides is not a good idea. Stick to something blunt and totally smooth that won’t tear a condom—or yourself.

DILDO

Use a toy with a flange for anal play. This means something with a flared base. Rule of thumb is that the base of the “toy” be wider than the widest part that is being inserted anally. A good example for this would be using the handle of a hairbrush with a large head to it. Because the rectum has no internal “barrier”, like the cervix is in the vagina, things can easily get “lost” inside. By using a toy with a flange, you can avoid the very common, yet dreadful, trip to the emergency room for object removal. That’s not fun for anyone—even if you’re into humiliation.

DILDON’T

Settle for jelly toys. Using a condom on a smooth object with a flared base is safer than using a jelly toy without a condom due to the chemicals that make up the jelly material. Read up on sex toy materials and be sure that if you are investing in a real sex toy, that it’s body-safe and worth the investment. There’s a reason jelly toys are so cheap and are marked as “novelties”!

DILDO

Look out for sales! Just because you want a good-quality toy doesn’t mean you have to pay top prices for it. Tantus offers grab bags, which are the same body-safe, high-quality toys they sell, but in a random, unique, or discontinued color! There’s also tons of sale options at Tantus, EdenFantasys, Lovehoney, and GoodVibrations.

PS: Remember my discount code! V2V gets you 15% off EdenFantasys at any time.

DILDON’T

Share toys without proper sterilization. I know it’s cheaper to buy only one dildo to use in your ass and your/your partner’s vagina, but without proper sterilization, this is highly unsafe. If the toy is silicone, glass, or steel it can be sterilized by boiling for five minutes, washing in the top shelf of the dishwasher, or washing with soap and water, soaking in a 5% bleach solution, then washing with soap and water once again. Any other way of cleaning toys between multiple partners (or from anal to vagina use) carries risk of infection, so if you can’t make time to sterilize them all the time, invest in multiple toys!

DILDO

Find safe ways of pleasuring yourself with household items in a creative manner. Into temperature play? Fill a condom with water, put it in a paper-towel tube, and pop it in the freezer for an exciting ice dildo. Stack a few pillows on your bed and ride them to orgasm. Use the massager setting on your showerhead and go to town. Have a partner use a glove while penetrating you with fingers for some medical roleplay. There’s plenty to do with limited resources!

DILDON’T

Fall for unsafe media tropes. No vacuums, no scalding hot objects. I don’t care how tempting that apple pie seems, it will probably hurt a lot. Be safe and avoid things that will burn or lacerate your skin, for everyone’s sake.

DILDO

Use lube! Lube is super important when penetrating, especially anally, since the anus does not naturally produce lubricant like the vagina does. Be sure to use a lubricated condom and/or lube with any toy you’re using anally to avoid internal injuries.

DILDON’T

Use lube that contains glycerin vaginally if you have reoccurring yeast infections. Many, many water-based lubricants contain glycerin, which is a plant-derived material that may convert to sugar inside the vagina. Sugar, as many people know, is bad for the vagina as it encourages bacteria and yeast to grow, which can cause a host of infections in some people. When shopping for lubricant to use vaginally, look at the ingredients. Try looking at silicone-based lubes if you’re having a hard time finding one without glycerin but remember not to use silicone lube with silicone toys!

Stay safe, everyone!

xx SF

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