Exxxotica is the largest adult entertainment event in the United States, spanning over three days. Music and live performances from adult entertainers went on for the duration of the day I attended, which made the expo feel like a real party. The floor contained over a hundred booths featuring sex toy companies, artists, and porn stars so there was something for everyone willing to get in touch with their sexuality. Exxxotica truly was a unique experience, hosted in the most exotic of lands–New Jersey.
There was a huge pink metal structure as soon as you walked onto the expo floor. The only way I can think to describe it is that it looked like a playground for strippers. Beautiful women in fishnets (and not much else) danced around on platforms and climbed the structure to shake their asses while voyeurs took photos and tossed bills at them. Not far from the entrance, more platforms with poles featured even more dancing women. I tucked one of the only dollar bills I had in one of their g-strings, pretending like I’d ever been to a strip club in my life. She smiled at me and gave me a thankful booty-shake.
The main floor of the showroom was dominated by various cam and clip sites. MyFreeCams, Clips4Sale, and Chaturbate were only some of the ones featured. Many popular performers for these sites were available to speak to, get autographs from, or even watch live online. Although no sexual acts were allowed at the expo, the girls were free to flash their pasty-covered breasts to both live fans and online viewers.
Over a hundred and fifty adult performers attended Exxxotica, and not all of them were women. Male porn actors and strippers also performed and hosted seminars at the expo. Though, their presence was definitely overshadowed by the popular female stars.
A dungeon was set up with all kinds of equipment towards the back of the expo. Guests were able to walk onto the red carpet and inspect the equipment and ask questions. From spanking benches to X-frames and metal cages, they had everything I wish I could afford for my home dungeon. Some of the pieces were large enough to be for public dungeons, even.
At certain times, models would do kink demonstrations and talk about the equipment. Several gave presentations on rope work, including rope suspensions, which were really interesting to watch. I overheard several people discuss how they had always been interested in bondage, but were experiencing a lesson in it for the first time.
When there weren’t models demonstrating, employees would offer to let guests try out the equipment for themselves. I watched as a group of giggling friends took turns getting into position on a spanking bench. One woman led her boyfriend around the dungeon on a leash, trying out the cages. A few nervous couples stepped in to watch demonstrations quietly. While many guests were clearly experienced in kink, it was nice to see newbies interact with BDSM toys and equipment for the first time.
Sex Toy Selection
Bad Dragon was the main sponsor for Exxxotica. Their section was probably the largest there. Nonetheless, the majority of the space they had was for adult performers they had sponsored instead of their actual sex toy products. This was a little disappointing to someone who is definitely more into toys than porn. However, the crowds around the performer’s booths implied a high interest for everyone else. I was just excited I was able to score more free Teenie Weenies.
Another large presence at the expo was Adam & Eve. They did stock a handful of silicone toys, but a lot of what I saw was low in quality. In fact, this rule applied for most of the expo as a whole. There were not as many sex toy companies at Exxxotica than there was at the Brooklyn Sex Expo, and the selection I did see was very disappointing. Most of what I saw were jelly toys or otherwise porous, cheap materials.
I was, however, happy to see companies I knew and loved, like Agreeable Agony. Selling handmade impact toys, rope, wax-play candles, and other kink accessories, Agreeable Agony was a refreshing sight at Exxxotica. While there were a handful of shops like Agreeable Agony selling quality toys, the bigger-name shops seemed to carry the lowest-grade toys.
In addition to smaller businesses selling quality kink toys, it was nice to see Pleasure Chest at Exxxotica. Their booth was noticeably smaller than the other big-names, but they carried a lot more body-safe options. The Pleasure Chest staff was a lot friendlier, as well, considering one of the men at another booth tried to pull me in by saying I “looked like I needed a vibrator.” (If only you knew, buddy). It was really nice to see silicone, glass, and steel toys instead of jelly dongs and rubber plugs.
Consent & Safety Policies
While waiting to get into the expo (yes, I arrived an hour before doors opened), I noticed the code of conduct for Exxxotica posted on a huge display in the main lobby. To some people, that’s nothing to note. However, as someone who has seen sexual harassment and assault all too often, it meant a lot to see a no-tolerance stance on it inside the exposition. Everything was covered, from requiring consent to touch others (including models posing for photos) to stating that sobriety was mandatory on the grounds.
I also noticed posted signs all over the expo about texting a number for security. I was a little blown away by how genius that concept was. If someone was being harassed or needed assistance in any way and couldn’t find security (or could not safely make a phone call), they could simply send a stealthy text and security would come to them. I was so proud to see that option, as someone who would be way too nervous to call for security in an unsafe situation. This needs to be implemented at all major events, in my opinion.
Seminar: Orgasm Mastery with Marcus London
I was really excited to check out some seminars that Exxxotica had to offer, but I wasn’t sure what to expect from them. Around the time when I was satisfied with how many free condoms I had swiped, a seminar called “Orgasm Mastery” was going to begin. I had no idea who the presenter was, but thought I might as well check it out.
Marcus London, an older, British gentleman, started off with a pep talk to the men in the room. “Let’s talk about the size myth,” he said. “I’m classified as porn-small, but I fit in every hole quite nicely.” He went on to liberate the men in the room by explaining to them that most women don’t actually enjoy extra-large penises. He went over the size of the vaginal canal and which parts of the vagina are sensitive to stimulation (spoiler: most sensitivity is in the first three inches).
London continued on as I nodded enthusiastically in the audience, “It doesn’t matter how big you are, it matters how well you know how to use your dick.” London compared the size myth in porn to the fashion industry, which places size restrictions on what society thinks a woman should be. I was really interested, having had this discussion (and this specific comparison) over and over with male friends and followers on my blog.
He moved on to “lasting longer”–another myth. “Women don’t want to be pounded for an hour or two,” he said. A handful of women in the audience made agreeing noises, myself included. “The trick of being with a woman and having a good time is giving her orgasms. It’s not about time, but about quality.”
As a self-identified orgasm-fetishist, London explained that for men, the goal is to get from point A (beginning) to point B (orgasm), but for women, it’s about the journey between those points. “The trick of being a good lover is not being selfish in bed. If you put your orgasm aside and focus on hers, you will realize that your orgasm becomes very insignificant.”
The first half of London’s seminar was very theoretical, but it contained important background information that men need to know and aren’t taught. discussed in great detail how to increase the pleasure of women by freeing men of these oppressive sexual myths. I didn’t expect this from a male porn actor, but it felt like a feminist discussion to me.
The second half of London’s seminar was more technical. He discussed female ejaculation, the g-spot, and how to go about making a woman have a powerful orgasm, using his hands to demonstrate the motions he’s perfected. He also referred to an educational porn (you read that right!) that he helped create, in which he walks viewers through these methods on a real woman.
In a matter of five seconds, Marcus London brought the woman in the video to a screaming, squirting orgasm. London clearly discussed how porn is not an educational tool, which was very important to stress. “Porn is not what women want,” he said. Instead, he used these specific videos to apply educational methods to a real-life situation that men could learn from. He talked about the sensitive areas on his partner in the video, how to learn from her breathing and body movements, and how to find a method that works effectively–all without delving into a cliched pizza-delivery scene. It wasn’t so much porn as it was a very sexy instructional video. Either way, it got me wet.
Seminar: Sex Talk with Stoya
“Sex Talk with Stoya” sounded like a dream come true. I love sex education and Stoya was one of the only performers at Exxxotica that I recognized, so I was hyped for this seminar. But despite the excitement of being able to see and talk to Stoya, this seminar was a bit of a letdown.
What it consisted of was a game of “Sexual Bingo.” Stoya sat at the front of the biggest seminar hall with a Bingo ball machine and people went up one by one to choose a number. That number corresponded to a chart behind her, which consisted of sexual phrases, fetishes, or positions. Volunteers were to tell a story about the topic that their number corresponded to.
Here’s my problem, though: I didn’t care about the sexual encounters the unattractive men in the audience had with nameless women. I wanted to hear Stoya talk about sexuality, kink, and her experiences. Sure, she helped facilitate the conversation (the majority of people had no stories to tell when they chose numbers), but she didn’t do the majority of the talking.
In addition to being boring, a lot of the men in the audience were inappropriate. One shouted annoying demands at Stoya while we waited for the room to fill. At one point, when an audience member stated he had no experience with his chosen number’s kink–bondage–Stoya called a female volunteer who was able discuss her experiences with it. When asked if he had any questions for the volunteer, he answered with a cringe-worthy, “Yeah, what are you doing later?” and winked.
Exxxotica was definitely more about pornography and adult entertainment than I expected it to be. While I was disappointed with the lack of body-safe sex toy companies present, I was happily surprised with how well some of the seminars went. Sure, they weren’t all great, but I definitely went home with some good feelings about what was discussed.
Perhaps I would have enjoyed the show floor more if I was a bigger fan of porn or camming. Even as someone who doesn’t like it much, it was still interesting to see and meet so many performers. Also, I got to tip a stripper for the first time, so that was fun!
I’d definitely recommend Exxxotica to open-minded folks into sexuality. There are definitely kinky aspects to the expo, as well as a heavy swinging presence, so if either of those make you uncomfortable, you might want to steer clear of this expo. For the majority of people reading this, however, Exxxotica is worth the visit–especially if you go to the seminars and learn a thing or two about vaginas and squirting.
A big thank you to Harley for donating the cost of my ticket for me to attend Exxxotica! I could not have made it without you!