Strap-On Sex and Pegging

Strap-ons open up a lot of possibilities in the bedroom. They allow people with vulvas to experience the perspective of having a dick during sex or can allow for things like double penetration if you already have a penis of your own. Here are some tips if you’re new to the idea of strap-on sex or pegging.

Choosing a Harness/Dildo

A strap-on is an extension of your body, so you’re going to want to make sure your harness is comfortable and your dildo is suitable for the type of sex you’ll be having.

When choosing the products for your strap-on, you’ll want to consider how you’ll feel wearing it, how versatile your dildo is, and how well the two work together. You’re not going to want to start off with a giant monster cock if this is your first time wielding a dick (or second dick). Keep the following things in mind when purchasing your toys.

For the harness:

  • Who will be wearing it? Will you be the only wearer of the harness or will you be sharing it with a partner? Consider your size difference if you’ll be sharing it. Some harnesses are super adjustable and some are meant to fit a specific body type. You can even get harnesses for body parts that aren’t your pelvis if that’s up your alley.
  • What style are you looking for? Are you looking for a traditional “jockstrap” style harness or would you prefer a panty style one? Do you want it to be gender-affirming with more of a masculine, boxer style or are you looking for something cute and feminine? The style can be a big factor in making sure you’re comfortable wearing the harness. 
  • What’s it made of? Do you or your partner(s) have any metal allergies or sensitivities to certain materials? Would you like it to be soft fabric or sturdier like leather? Do you want a vegan alternative to leather?
The Roadster harness is a great vegan option!

For the dildo:

  • Who will be using it? Is your partner new to being penetrated? Is this toy going to be shared with anyone else? I recommend that each receiving partner have their own dildo to be used with your harness to keep everything hygienic, but you can also sanitize a silicone dildo by boiling it or soaking in a 10% bleach solution.
  • Is it being used vaginally or anally? Almost every silicone harness-compatible dildo is anal safe but you’re going to want to make sure your dildo has a flared base and that it’s made of a non-porous body-safe material if you’re going to use it anally.
  • Does the receiver have a preference for the type of toy they’d like used on them? Consider how realistic you’d like the dildo to be. If you’re looking to stimulate the g-spot or p-spot of your partner, try a curved toy. Does the receiver like textured dildos or would they prefer a smooth one instead?
  • Is the size correct to use with your harness? Dildo thickness is measured in inches as the diameter of a toy. If you’re looking for a dildo to fit the o-ring harness you have, measure the ring that comes with your harness and make sure you’re buying a dildo that fits. For example, the Roadster harness by Cherry Bombin’ Wear comes with a 1.75” diameter o-ring, which means the dildo you use with it should be less than 1.75” in diameter. 

Keep in mind: Harnesses also come in a style called Vac-U-Lock, but dildos for these are specific and kind of hard to find. O-ring harnesses are much easier to work with since you just need a flared base to use it with an o-ring style harness. I highly recommend an o-ring style harness like the Roadster

It’s a good idea to read reviews of any toy you’re looking to buy. Reviews are especially helpful if you’re shopping online or don’t have access to a good sex shop with employees to help you choose the right products. 

Lube & Condom Protocol

In addition to buying a harness and dildo, you’re going to want to have access to some good water-based lubricant. If you’re unsure what kind of lube to get, check out my lube guide. Lube should be used generously to avoid hurting your partner.

Keep in mind that if you’re using condoms with your toys, many condoms have silicone lube in them, which can damage silicone toys. If you want to use a condom with a silicone toy it’s best to buy non-lubricated condoms and add your own water-based lube

Using Your Strap-On

Like any skill, using a harness requires practice to build confidence and really master. In addition to just using it more during sex, I recommend wearing your harness around the house to really get a feel for it. Just going about your chores while wearing it can help it feel more natural. You’ll start to learn how exactly it moves with your body and get a better understanding of how to use it during partnered sex. 

Shawna Scott from Sex Siopa Ireland
Photo: Shawna Scott from Sex Siopa Ireland modeling the Roadster harness.

Also with any new sex toy, going slow is key. Making sure you use lube and communicate with your partner during sex is also really important, especially at first. Whether you’re using it vaginally on someone or pegging your partner, getting their feedback on how things feel at first is a good idea.

It’s always a good idea to implement safewords in your play, even if you aren’t engaging in BDSM. Having a safeword will make it easy to communicate any problems that may arise during sex and keep everyone feeling safe and comfortable during your play. 

Cleaning Up

When you’re all done using your strap-on, it’s important to clean everything. Since I really only recommend silicone toys for harness play, cleaning the dildo should be easy.

If the dildo is only being used on one partner and not going from anal to vaginal use, a simple scrub with antibacterial soap and warm water is all you really need. However, if your dildo is being shared between partners or going from anal to vaginal use, it should be sanitized by doing one of the following:

  • Boil in a pot of water for ten minutes
  • Soak in a 10% bleach solution, then handwash
  • Put in the top rack of a dishwasher on the sanitize setting without detergent 

As for the harness, cleaning directions are definitely going to vary based on the style and material of your harness. Most panty or boxer style harnesses are machine washable just like underwear, which makes for a really easy clean-up. Jockstrap-style harnesses are sometimes machine washable (if made of fabric or nylon straps) but obviously for a leather harness, you’re going to want to spot treat it or follow specific manufacturer directions to clean it. 

Also remember that aftercare is an important aspect of any scene. If using a harness ties into gender stuff for your partner, make sure you’re giving them gender-affirming aftercare. Otherwise, just make sure to check in and confirm that your partner is good with how the scene went and feels safe and comfortable. 


Hopefully this guide has given you the necessary information to start using your strap-on confidently. With practice, you’ll be a strap-on pro in no time!

This guide was sponsored.
As always, all writing and opinions are my own. 

xx SF

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