I see it everywhere: the gay pride dildo I own called Alex, the dual-density model I fell in love with years ago called Adam, the vibrating model by the same company called Alan–and those are just some of the A-names. My toybox is filled with sex toys bearing human names, but there’s something off about the whole idea of that. It leads people to gendering the toy and even going as far as using him/her pronouns in reviews–something I am guilty of in older reviews. However, I fully believe this whole concept needs to be put in the past. Naming toys after humans really serves no purpose and can deter several groups of people from buying these products.
Emotional Attachments to Names
The names sex toy companies use are usually very common. They’re popular names you’ll find in any baby book, which means a lot of people know someone by these names, which poses a problem for users who have emotional attachments to certain names. This means sons’ names, fathers’ names, and exes’ names are usually off limits. Considering that we all probably know an Alex, Adam, or Alan is a good indicator that there’s a high potential for someone to have an emotional attachment to one of those names.
In addition, anyone who has survived abuse or assault will probably never purchase a dildo bearing the name of their abuser. It may sound silly at first, but that small reminder can be enough for people to avoid buying the product at all. I have been contacted by readers of my blog with this exact issue, so I know this is a real experience for some people. It’s true that some people can just try to ignore the given name of a sex toy, but why put people in that position in the first place? A sex toy is an inanimate object and does not require an identity to be properly marketed.
Cissexism & Trans Exclusion
Another issue that comes with giving human names to sex toys is the cissexism that comes along with it. Dildos are always going to be given “male names” and masturbators are going to be given “female names.” This ignores the fact that not all men have penises and not all women have vaginas.
Gendering the names of toys is, in itself, a problem because gender and genitals do not always correlate the way society expects them to. Again, this may seem like a small problem to many people, but it unnecessarily puts trans individuals who may be facing dysphoria in an uncomfortable position. The exclusion of trans representation could be avoided altogether by not using gendered marketing tactics in selling sex toys that anyone could use.
Exclusion of Queer Women & Straight Men
Another issue with using gendered names in sex toys is the exclusion of queer women. Many queer women use dildos in their sex lives, either manually or with a harness. By naming dildos after men, queer women are ignored by the sex toy companies who produce them. This can make queer women uncomfortable and lead to a loss of business if there are other choices available to them.
In addition, naming dildos after men poses a problem for straight men who use them for anal play. Toxic masculinity leads men to believe that anal is mainly a homosexual act and that straight men who engage it in are “secretly gay.” This can lead many straight men who do enjoy anal to feeling alienated and uncomfortable with using toys named after men. By giving the sex toy a gendered name, it is implying something about the sexuality of those who use it. This is, again, unnecessary and easily avoided by sex toy companies who want to make their toys inclusive and supportive of all users.
Alternatives to Names
Sex toy companies who use gendered human names for their products have several options for alternative names. With the exception of toys modeled after porn actors and actresses, there really is no need for using human names as a means to sell sex toys. One option is to name sex toys based on color schemes they’re produced in. If they’re more realistic toys, they can be given names relating to their size or appearance–so long as it’s appropriate and doesn’t body-shame in the process.
Another option is using numbers in a specific line of toys. This has been done with companies like Blush with their Avant toys, which also supports LGBT individuals with its pride options. Another popular brand that had success doing this is Pipedream with their glass toy line, Icicles. Each glass creation is given a number, making them easy for users to search for and refer to without the unnecessary act of gendering their toys.
Sex toy manufacturers should find something interesting about their toys that they can market. If they can’t be creative enough to come up with a unique name for their toy, then they should be asking themselves if this toy is bringing anything new to the table. In a world with tens of thousands of options for a standard dildo, sex toy companies should be seeking to break the mold and go above and beyond what is already out there.
Let’s discuss: has a sex toy being named after a human ever made you uncomfortable? Do you own any toys bearing human names?
xx SF
